


Pressed Between the Pages

by icybluepenguin



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Thor (Movies)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Flowers, Gossip, Happy Ending, Loki - Freeform, Magic, Pining, Sex, Sigyn - Freeform, Slow Burn, Studying, Thor (2011) - Freeform, Tumblr: imagine-loki, bad friend, bad press, did i mention the angst, eventually, this was supposed to be short, too long, young loki
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-09
Updated: 2018-01-09
Packaged: 2019-03-02 18:44:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 11,404
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13324242
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/icybluepenguin/pseuds/icybluepenguin
Summary: Asgard is full of speculation as to who Prince Loki will marry. Sigyn is sure who it will be- and she's fine with it not being her. She just wants Loki to be happy, really. That doesn't stop her life from being torn apart by vicious gossip. Is there anyone in the palace she can trust?





	1. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Asgard is full of speculation as to who Prince Loki will marry. Sigyn is sure who it will be- and she's fine with it not being her. She just wants Loki to be happy, really. That doesn't stop her life from being torn apart by vicious gossip. Is there anyone in the palace she can trust?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Based on [this 'Imagine Loki' prompt.](http://imagine-loki.tumblr.com/post/168270754377/imagine-prince-loki-is-known-to-be-looking-for-a) It's much longer than I intended, so I've split it into 2 chapters because why not. Oh, and primrose (according to one flower language thing) means 'young love' and 'I can't live without you.' Just for some extra symbolism ;) 
> 
> Om was Idunn’s father, and Buri was the first Aesir licked free from the ice (this will make sense later.)

“What are you reading?”

“Oh!” I flinched, turning on the bench to see Loki behind me. In truth, I hadn't read a word in the time I'd been sitting here. I flipped it shut and showed Loki the cover.  “I haven't seen you in a while.”

“I've been busy, doing terribly important princely things,” he said, puffing out his chest.  “Vital stuff.”

“Mmhmm.  Where else would they find to hold all that hot air, if you weren't there?”

Loki laughed.  “I’m sure my father or brother could take it.”  He put his hands on the back of the bench and vaulted gracefully over it, landing to sit beside me.

My breath caught in my throat.  He was so close I could smell him, leather and mint and the faint smoky scent of magic.  I wanted to lean over and rest my head on his shoulder. But I scooted farther away from the temptation.

“Thor’s been insufferable lately,” Loki said with a groan, as if we were continuing an interrupted conversation.  “He and Sif have been fighting- but they’re always fighting, I don’t know why in the Realms he chose _her_ to marry.  And he keeps trying to give me advice-” his voice dropped in pitch, a reasonable impression of Thor’s- “‘Love is great, you should find a woman,’ or ‘Think of what you have to offer a girl, they’ll be all over you, brother!’  Mmblerg.”  Loki's face twisted.  “Makes me want to stab him.  As if I need his advice, right?”

“Uh, yeah, right.”  It came out as a sickly sort of chuckle.  Now that Thor had chosen his wife and his wedding planning was underway, people were turning their attention to Loki.  Thor was right, women would be knocking down his door to get a chance with him- his long black hair and slim build was achingly beautiful.  Not to mention the “prince” title attached to those high sharp cheekbones and soulful green eyes.  I opened my book again, looking down at the random page.

Loki tilted his head to see.  “Om’s theories are terribly obtuse.  It took me weeks to get through that book, and even now I'm not sure I understand them all.  I thought you’d read it already?  For Year Three exams?”

“Yeah, I did.”  I made the same face Loki had a minute ago.  “And I don’t want to look at it again after that- but I’m stuck on creating this spell and I thought maybe rereading the functions of matter transport would help.”

He hummed and inched closer.  I leaned back, trying to get some distance between us, finally pushing the book into his lap.  We discussed my spell and its problems in what probably sounded like an argument to anyone passing by.  The palace gardens were mostly empty today, but still the occasional courtier wandered past and gave us a Look. 

Loki was attempting to convince me that I had read Om’s dimensional matter theory wrong, but I was hardly listening to him.  I watched his mouth, thin lips forming every word crisply, his tongue darting out between sentences.

I blinked, suddenly aware of the time.  “Aren’t you meeting Lorelai here?”

“I am.  She’s late and you looked like you were in desperate need of expertise.”

I snorted.  “You just admitted that you have no idea what Om is saying either.”

“I didn't know you were reading Om when I arrived.”  He handed me back the book with exaggerated distaste.

The conversation lulled into a heavy silence. I was terribly aware of my breathing- had Loki noticed how fast it was? Now was it too slow? Could he tell I was trying to inhale his cologne?

I ran my thumb up and down the spine of my book, staring off into the flowering magnolia behind Loki. “Lor said you’re working on something for Thor?”

“We are, a special fireworks illusion for his wedding.”

I swallowed against the salty lump in my throat.  I had to finish creating this collection of spells to continue my studies in sorcery and it was taking all of my time. Tandem illusions like Loki and Lorelai were going to do took hours and hours of practice and coordination, time I just didn't have.  But my whole body ached with the missed opportunity to spend time with Loki.

He was still talking and I did my best to ignore the squeeze in my chest to listen.

“She'll have to sit at the high table with me.”  He frowned. “We just haven't been able to get the timing right if we're not next to each other.”

“That'll be nice,” I managed. “Your mother loves Lorelai.”

Loki's sudden smile was gently kind. “She loves you too.  She still has that lily illusion spell you tweaked in your second year- she says no one else had ever been able to get the smell right like you.”

I ducked my head at the compliment.  That had been a hard spell to modify.  Lorelai had told me over and over to give up, since all I had to do to pass was to cast a convincing image of the plant.  I just couldn’t put the spell down until I had done what I had thought would be a simple tweak, even when it turned into a much bigger series of changes. 

Loki, though, had goaded me on with promises of contraband alcohol if I could figure it out.  We had gotten thoroughly smashed the night after finals.  He had passed out in my quarters, sprawled across the bed, while I curled up around my pillow on my armchair.

Loki now raised his hand and waved.  I twisted around to see Lorelai nearly to our bench.  She smiled and waved back, adjusting the neckline of her tunic with her other hand.

“Norns, Sigyn,” she said.  “I thought the sunlight would do you some good, but you look even worse out here than you did in the library.”

“She’s been reading Om.”  Loki gestured at my book.  “I’m surprised she doesn’t look like one of Hel’s denizens.”

Lor grinned and flipped her hair over her shoulder.  “Om is nightmare material, that’s for sure.  Don’t spend too much time with him while Loki and I are working, eh?  See you at dinner.”  She glanced at Loki and licked her lips. “Probably.  It's a… hard spell.”

Loki leaned low over me as he shifted to stand up. His hand rested on my back briefly, freezing my lungs and sending goosebumps down my arms.

“Good luck,” he murmured, dropping a flower into my lap.

Then he was walking away with Lorelai, the two of them close but not quite touching.  Loki’s natural saunter matched the sway of her hips. 

They made a cute couple.

If they were a couple.  Loki was so private about things like that.

They looked beautiful together, his raven hair and hers dark brown, tall and slender and graceful.  And they fit each other well, both powerful sorcerers, both children of royalty.  Lorelai’s family was a distant branch, but she still had Aesir blood in her. 

And I was just a normal orphan, my parents passing away only a year before I came to Her Majesty’s college in Asgard.  I breathed around the ache in my chest, rubbing a flower petal between my fingers.

The sun was still shining, the air was still warm, the trees and bushes in full bloom.  But now that Loki was gone, it all felt dull and chill.  I shoved my book in my bag and walked back home, Loki's flower tucked behind my ear.

I think I had loved Loki the moment I saw him.  Frigga had come out personally to greet her new students.  She welcomed the four of us, telling us how excited she was to expand our knowledge of seidr and explaining the program and rules.

Someone stepped up beside me and I glanced at him.  He was easily the most beautiful man I had ever seen. Tall, slender, pale, dressed in green and black edged with gold- Prince Loki was impossible to mistake.

He leaned close and whispered, “Don't laugh. She's very sensitive about that tail.”

I had no idea what he was talking about until Frigga turned around to show us to the part of the palace dedicated to her students. A large tabby cat tail came out from under her skirt and wiggled behind her as she walked.  I pressed my hand to my mouth, eyes wide.

“Loki!” Frigga turned around and stared at us. “Don't think I won't revoke your admission just because you're my son.”

“Sorry, mother,” Loki sing-songed with a cheeky salute.  The tail disappeared in a flash of green.

That had been five years ago.  The other two students had left after the fourth year, and Lorelai and I had stayed for the next, hardest level of classes.  Loki bounced between his studies and his duties as a prince. 

And my crush had slowly grown into full-fledged love. I lived to see him, whether we were bent over a book in the library or waving to each other across the Great Hall.  Those first few years, the three of us were nearly as inseparable as Thor and his “Warriors Three.”  When we weren’t studying, we were somewhere in the city, causing trouble.  Well, Loki was causing trouble, I was encouraging him, and Lorelai was playing lookout.  Or flirting with someone, which was almost always how we got caught.

Lately, though, it had all changed, the three of us splintering into duos with someone always odd-man out.  Loki and I were always busy, him with royal duties, me with my final seidr studies.  Lorelai floated between us, spending time with whoever was free.

I closed my door behind me, rubbing my eyes.  I had shared this room with Lor once.  She had moved to another apartment, bigger and brighter with high windows.  This room was small and dim, but it was just the right kind of cozy for me.  It held so many fond memories of Loki laughing, Loki drinking, Loki falling asleep with a book on his chest and his witch light slowly dimming above him...

No matter how many times I told myself that Loki was not meant for me, my dreams refused to listen.  He haunted me at night- his hands roaming my body with insistence, his mouth hot on my skin, his voice groaning my name over and over.

I was happy that he was looking at Lorelai.  They made a cute couple.  It would be good for him.  I was happy.

Maybe I would move out of this room when I was finished with my studies.

Maybe I would leave Asgard.

I shook my head as I walked to my desk.  I opened Om’s Theorems to the middle and carefully laid down the flower Loki had given me.  I closed it and put another book on top.  That book had a handful of rose petals in its pages.  Loki had shoved them down my shirt months ago, trying to distract me from a spell.  It hadn't worked and I transformed him, for one hilarious minute, into a rabbit.

A few days later, I went into the city proper to buy some spell components.  The air in the shop was heavy with woody herbs and the sharp tang of metal. The clerks started giggling behind their hands when I came in and didn't stop until I piled my selections on the counter in front of them.

“Ama?” I asked, brow raised.

“Oh, I'm sorry, Miss Sigyn, it's just that the rumors say that Prince Loki has his eye on you to marry and you're in our shop and it's just too exciting!”

“His eye on me?” My voice was flat and confused.

“Oh and Miss Lorelai, to be sure, they say he's going to pick one of you to marry and announce it at Prince Thor's wedding!” Ama tittered, clapping her hands and bouncing a little.

“That's a stupid rumor,” I said, shrugging it off.  “He studies with us, doesn't mean he's going to marry one of us.. I doubt we’re the only women he knows.” I smiled and paid them. 

The whole thing was ridiculous. Although stealing his brother's spotlight was exactly something Loki would do.

Everyone had known Thor would marry Sif.  They had been more or less inseparable since they were children. Loki was, as in many things, different.  He was quiet, solitary, and fiercely protective of his privacy.

It was to be expected, I guess, that he would be subject to intense speculation now that Thor was officially off the market.

The rumors only got worse from there.  Who Loki would choose to marry was the best conversation in town.

Newspapers ran constant gossip about who he had been seen with, what the woman had been wearing, how they had interacted.  As far as I could tell, there was no veracity to most of it- once a guard had let slip that Loki was with someone in the gardens and there were five articles about his mystery woman before they all realized Loki had been sick in bed for days.

I tried to ignore all of it, doubling down on creating the spells that would earn me a distinguished title, allowing me to be hired at any court in the Realms.  If I couldn't get these finished, I would have to spend another year here. And while it would be carving my own heart out to leave, I knew it was better than staying here and watching Loki be married.

Even if I was happy for him.  Which I would be.  Of course.

Pages of notes fluttered out of my arms as I tried to hold too many books, my folders, and open my door.  I cursed under my breath, trying to shift everything to one arm without losing too much more.

“Need help?”

“Fuck! Yes, Lor, thanks, can you grab my key- it’s on my belt here-”

Lorelai unlocked the door and I burst through it like a parchment hurricane.  I dumped everything on my desk, scowling as half of it fell to the floor. 

“Fuck dammit,” I muttered, dropping to my knees to gather up all my notes.

“I brought you some food from that cart in the courtyard.”  Lorelai sauntered into my room, stepping over pieces of paper as she made her way inside.  “I'll just leave it… over here,” she said, backing away from my desk and the avalanche of paper.

“Thank you so much!  Mm, I've missed his sausages.  How are you?”

“I need to borrow a book.”

“Sure, sure, help yourself.”  I shuffled and flipped pages as I stacked them, trying to get them back in the right order.  _Does this one go with my current spell or the next one?_

“Did you know there’s a daisy in this book?” Lorelai said from my bookshelf.  She gingerly picked the pressed flower out of the pages and showed it to me.

“Oh.  Ah.  Yeah, I like to press flowers.  Brings a little spring into the room. You can leave it on the table there.”  I grimaced as a few petals fell off.  The three of us had gone riding with Thor and his friends.  Loki, bored, had transformed into a bee to terrorize everyone and had landed on that daisy after buzzing Thor's ear. 

“You’ve been so wrapped up in these spells.”  She sat down on the foot of my bed, the book thumping down next to her.  “Are you sure you’re not overdoing them?  You know how you are when you get an idea in your head.”

“You’ll see next year when you do this, it’s a massive amount of work.”  I sat down in the middle of my scattered research and rubbed my temples.  She didn’t understand, she was taking extra time to go through the last classes.  Her family already had a home and status here in Asgard- I didn’t.  I was relying on Frigga’s charity and it itched under my skin.  “I have to have them done just after the wedding and if there’s a problem with any of them, even a tiny one…”  My eyes closed and I sighed.  “I need that title, I need to graduate.”

“Hey, maybe not,” she said.  “I hear you’re in the running to be Loki’s wife!”

“Ha ha.  So are you.”  I stuck my tongue out at her.  “Can you imagine?”

“You as his wife? Not with that hair. Come here.”  She rummaged in her bag as I scooted over to sit at her feet.

“He would probably turn into a goat the morning after, just to hear you scream.”  I closed my eyes as Lor took the worn ribbon from my hair and began to tease through the tangles with her comb.

“I wouldn't care what he turned into, as long as I'd have that tiara.  You know the one, with the emeralds and diamonds.  Wouldn’t I look fabulous in it?” 

“You look fabulous in everything.  I hate it.”

“Uh huh.”  We lapsed into comfortable silence until she patted my shoulder.  “You're presentable again.”

“Thanks.”

Lor stretched before standing, fluffing her hair off her neck.  “I'm off- tavern with Loki and Thor.”

I hummed in agreement.  “That sounds really good, actually. I haven't eaten all day and if I look at this stuff any longer, I will explode. Give me a minute to freshen up and I'll join you.”  I scrambled off the floor.

She froze, looking at me.  “Oh, I didn't mean… It was supposed to be a secret. Loki said he didn't want you there.”

There was a pause just long enough for my heart to crack in my chest.

“Because you're so busy,” she went on, oblivious to the way I couldn’t breathe.  “He didn't want to distract you.”

I nodded, my face numb. “S-sure. Yeah.”  I ran my hands over my skirt. “I'll just stay here then.  I should work on my notes anyway.”

“See you later!” Lor waved as she breezed out of the room, the door shutting behind her with a lonely _clunk._

Nothing seemed to go right after that.  My spells hit block after block and as much as I threw myself at them, I couldn't figure out why they would not behave the way I wanted.  I spent my days in the library, cursing at books.  I forgot to eat until my mood was a shattered mess and then I scarfed down whatever I could find.

People began avoiding me.

I thought it was because of the permanent ink stain on my cheek or the four books I always carried in my arms or the harried look I had walking down the halls, counting the days until I failed.

But it wasn’t any of that.

I was walking to the kitchen for some food when I thought I saw my name on a newspaper someone had left lying on a bench.  I picked it up.

Then I sank down on the seat, eyes wide.

_Miss Sigyn is nothing like the type that Prince Loki would associate with.  Her unknown origin, her complete lack of pedigree, makes her an unusual companion to the skilled and studious prince.  One could suspect that Miss Sigyn possesses some sort of extra persuasion over the young man, one that we as his subjects should do what we might to dispel.  It cannot merely be the hold a woman can have over a hot-blooded male, for her appearance is average (in the kindest judgment.)  Thus, her manipulation must be something more secretive and suspicious._

“Suspicious!” I sneered.  “Loki and Frigga have the exact same sorcery as I do and they’re much more powerful- how the fuck would I be mind-controlling _Loki_ of all people…” 

_Sources in the palace say that Miss Sigyn’s spells often go awry.  One spoke of a time that the girl's mismanaged seidr has caused the evacuation of an entire wing, as well as the destruction of several valuable artifacts, with an over-enthusiastic fire spell. Needless to say, this sort of disaster is a black mark against her character beyond a student's normal mishap…_

I shut my eyes.  Who had written this?  Who had told them about my mistake? They had gotten it wrong, not that it mattered. Wrong or exaggerated, it looked just as bad for me.  We'd only had to evacuate one room and it was the room Frigga had set up for practicing dangerous spells.  Lorelai and I, only three months into our studies, had stumbled out of that room, choking on smoke. We held the flames at bay long enough for Eir to get there and show us how to put them out.

It was not my finest moment, but I had done everything I could to never let my seidr out of control like that again.

I dropped the paper and walked back to my room in a daze.

No wonder people were avoiding me, if they thought I had the ability to control minds.

I tasted salt in the back of my throat.  The worst part was that I didn't disagree with what they'd printed about me, minus the obvious exaggerations.  Of course, I was too lowborn to marry Loki. I hadn't been _trying to_ ; I was just his friend. I knew I wasn't beautiful or rich or extremely gifted.  But to have all my flaws writ large for everyone to see, that was too much.

When had these columns gotten so vicious?

I couldn't stop reading them, now that I had found that one.  It was a strange perverse compulsion- I knew it would make me miserable, but I couldn't help myself. I had to know what was being said about me, out of my control.

One accused me of being the worst sort of social climber. Another cast me as some sort of pig-bodied double-tongued snake.  A helpful cartoonist had drawn it for the author.  Another related a story they had gotten from “sources” about a time I had gotten drunk on illegal wine from Vanaheim (ignoring that it was Loki who supplied the wine,) another mark against my “suspect character.”

Every time I worked on my spells, my goal of the last year, my chance out of what was quickly becoming a lonely, punishing hell- all I could see was insults from those articles.  _Grasping. Greedy. Spy. Poor, ugly, stupid._ _Manipulator_.

Late one night, I had the sharp unhinged thought that _Loki_ was the one spreading these rumors, that he thought this would be some hilarious joke. When I finally cracked, would he be beside himself with laughter? Who would ever think of us as a couple?

I made up my mind that I was going to the great hall for dinner the next day. I had to see him- see all my friends really- to regain my balance. They would tell me to put it all aside, that I _could_ finish these spells, and I could soak in Loki's presence to sustain me for the coming weeks.

Loki and Lorelai were sitting near some of Thor's friends, although Thor and Sif were nowhere to be seen.  Fandral and Hogun waved at me as I approached, but Loki was frowning.

“You look _awful,_ ” he said as soon as I settled across from him. “Is this project giving you that much trouble? You look like you haven't slept in a week.  Let me ask Mother to extend the deadline for you-”

“No, nonono-” The very thought filled me with icy dread. I couldn't go to Frigga and admit that I couldn't handle the pressure.  I was sure she knew that I was struggling, but to go and _admit_ to her face that I was crumbling?  To walk into her study and see my future turn to ash?  “No, I can do this, I'm just… not sleeping well lately.”

Lorelai nodded. “I'm sure you can do it. You've always worked the hardest of all of us.”  She touched Loki's hand.  “Right?”

Loki speared a slice of meat with his knife. “Hard Work is your middle name, Sigyn.  I keep trying to change it on your paperwork but it’s not working.”

I took a few small bites as Loki started in on a story.  I let his voice wash over me, sassy and sarcastic.  Smooth and low, almost gravelly.  I loved to hear him talk.  Nothing I ate tasted as good as his voice sounded.  He looked amazing, his grin wide and relaxed as he laughed.  The ends of his dark hair curved gently up, just under his ears, and I wanted to curl the silky strands around my fingers.

Lorelai put her hand on his shoulder and leaned in to whisper in his ear. 

Loki laughed.

My stomach twisted, the piece of chicken in my mouth turning to dust.  I swallowed it down with a gulp of weak mead.  Lorelai’s hand was still on him and she moved it to rest on the back of his neck.  She giggled- I couldn’t think of the last time I had heard her _giggle_ sober- pressing against his side.

Fandral was looking at me with something that looked like pity.  Of course, _he_ would be following all the gossip with relish.  I stared at my plate, my cheeks hot with embarrassment. This had been a mistake.

Lorelai was so close to Loki, ignoring her own food to fawn over him.  She kept his cup filled, stroked his neck and his arm, all the while batting her lashes at him and more giggling.  By the end of the meal, she was literally draped over his shoulder.

“... so I told the dwarves, you don't have to take my head off about it!” Loki smirked.  “Just a misunderstanding...”

I pushed the food around my plate.  Loki was having a good time, now giving snarky commentary on Fandral and Hogun’s conversation.  I couldn't look away, even with Lorelai practically in his lap.  My heart squeezed.  He was beautiful and all I wanted was for him to turn that smile on me.

To hold his cheeks and pull him in for a kiss.  To twine my fingers in his hair, to mark his long neck with my mouth. To hear his laugh, the one that made my stomach flip and my blood run too hot.

“Sigyn?”

I shook my head at Loki's voice, grimacing as I realized I had been staring vacantly at my cup for who knows how long.

“Sigyn here looks like weak enough to go to bed with Fandral, I’m going to walk her to her room,” he called to the others, walking around the table to pull my chair out.  “I’ll find you lot later.”

The halls were quiet. The sun was far enough down to stretch the shadows but not enough to have the torches lit yet. The air was heavy and still. It was otherworldly, as if time had gotten stuck in some in-between space.

I didn't want to break that exquisite unreal feeling as we walked, side by side, close enough for me to feel the brush of his arm.  Every time I opened my mouth, I saw Lorelai whispering in his ear and I gave up what I had thought to say. I didn't have to say anything.

One of the things I loved about Loki- quiet was never a problem, even though he loved to talk, especially about himself.

One of the _many_ things I loved about Loki.

Nearly to my room, he said, “You’re coming to the wedding, still?”

“Of course.” The false cheer rang hollow in my ears, but Loki didn’t seem to notice.  “I wouldn’t miss Thor’s ‘special’ day.  And I have to see what you and Lor have been practicing for so hard!”

“Not as hard as you’ve been working on your spell series.”  Loki grabbed my wrist, pulling me around to face him.  “I know your blood is half determination and half sheer stubbornness.  You won’t let those spells out of your possession until they are perfectly above the requirements.  But I miss seeing you.  Don’t make me drug you and drain the stubborn part out of you.”

My breath was frozen in my lungs, my chest too tight.  His hand on my wrist was warm and soft, his long fingers touching my pulse.  I hoped he didn’t notice how it was racing.  I couldn't meet his eyes, staring at the exposed skin from the neck of his tunic instead.

“You remembered the Law of Conservation in the third reflection, yes?”

I blinked, torn out of the moment. My brain shifted gears with a mental _thunk._ “What… oh.  Oh Buri’s _balls_ , I _did_ forget that, it’s so deep in the spell by then… Shit.  Of course, that's why it's been going all tangled halfway through.  I put it in for the first two, but the third… I've never done a spell this complex.  Thank you!”  I gripped his hand for a second, harder than I intended, then bounded into my room, eager to get back to work.

Two days later, I was sitting on the floor of the library, choking back tears.

The day’s newspaper was on the floor next to me, forgotten as I tried to breathe around the huge lump in my throat.

The stories of my accidents at school, the information about my parents, even the time I got drunk and said that if I were a wood nymph, I'd be in a sinful relationship with an aspen tree, all those could have been leaked by many people.

But only one person knew about my pressed flowers.

I blinked against the pressure in my head and the burning sensation of unshed tears.  Lorelai was one of my best friends.  We had lived together, studied together, done reckless stupid things together.  She had always been there to congratulate me when I passed a hard assignment or to pat my back when I didn't.

She was always the one to cut through my overthinking or to tell me when I was aiming too high.  She knew all my strengths and secrets.

She was my best friend.

There must be another explanation. There must have been something I was missing. It had been an accident, she hadn't meant to tell anyone. I couldn't understand how the writer had managed to turn an innocent hobby into something sinister and I was grateful that no one but me knew _why_ I kept those flowers.

I tore the “article” out of the paper and stumbled to my feet, back and tailbone aching from being on the hard floor. Scenarios tumbled over and over in my head, wild thoughts I couldn't control as I shook in turns with painful betrayal or righteous anger.

Lorelai opened her door on my third knock.

“What is this?” I asked, surprised by the numb tone of my own voice, not matched by the way I waved the crumpled article at her.

“What is what? Come on in.”  Lorelai waved me inside and took the paper, glancing at it before tossing it away.  “It's just gossip.  Why, since when do you pay attention to things like that?”

A few steps into her room, I whirled and stared at her.  “It's about me- and it's vicious and half of it is _lies_ \- how can I ignore it?”  I was talking too fast now and my voice was high with stress.  “Most people won't even talk to me or I don't know if I can talk to _them_ because it might end up in the paper, all twisted around… And _then_ there are the ones trying to follow me so they can make a quick penny by telling tales!”  A weight crushed down on my chest and I sank onto her couch.  My hands were trembling as I covered my face, embarrassed by the sudden tears in my eyes.

“Sigyn, you're stronger than this.  You don't care what these people say about you.”  Lorelai came and sat down next to me.

I laughed bitterly.  “I do now.  It's awful, it's… I've never been so lonely, so…”  I struggled for the right words to describe the isolation and the fear I'd been trapped under for weeks.  I couldn't trust anyone to not speak to the papers about my habits.  I was too scared to go to the great hall to eat except that night with Loki because of all the eyes I felt on me.  I had no one to talk to or ask for help.  And all of it was keeping me from working on my final spells.

I was drowning, crushed under the weight of this gossip, my life torn apart by strangers.  I choked back a sob.  “Why, Lor, _why_?” I hated the way my voice broke and wavered on the last word.  I ached to turn and hug her- to take comfort from my best friend.

But I couldn't trust her either.

Lorelai patted my shoulder.  “You're the outsider.  They don't want you to marry their prince, they want a woman they know.”

I blinked slowly at her.  “Like you.”

She shrugged.  “I grew up in the city, yes.  They know me.  They like me. I'd like to have Loki's heart too, but I'll settle for being the only viable option with the support of the people.”

My eyes traced the grain in the wood floor over and over.  My exhausted brain couldn't parse what she was saying. She had spread those rumors to make sure that the people hated me enough that Loki would marry her? It made no sense.

“You think Loki will go for that?” I rasped through the ache in my throat.

“Loki will be perfectly satisfied, I assure you.”  She sounded languid and assured, the kind of voice that would be accompanied by a wink if I were looking at her.  “He'll have nothing to complain about, if you know what I mean.”

I did, and it made my stomach turn.  _Loki_.  My dark-haired, mischievous prince.  Except he wasn't mine.  He never would be. He'd be _satisfied_ by the beautiful and heartless woman beside me.

“You're my friend.”  It was a quiet defense, hopeless.

“And you have powerful seidr and an even more powerful work ethic, Sigyn. You'll do great things in the world- I know those spells of yours will be fantastic new magic when you're finished.”  The hand on my shoulder squeezed gently.  “But Loki has just as much seidr, and political power and prestige, to boot.  His work ethic is…” she paused and then laughed, “ _lacking_. But I'm sure I can turn that intelligence towards something.”

I wasn't sure how I was breathing. My chest felt like it had collapsed in on itself, the air I inhaled doing nothing to inflate my lungs. My vision burned from unshed tears.

Lorelai sounded almost dreamy now.  “Think of it.  His wit, directed and used for wielding power. My charm to soothe the people.  There's even precedent, you know, for the crown passing to the younger son.  We could hire you as a sorcerer for our court! The three of us would be unstoppable, together like that.”

I swallowed. My jaw ached from the way I was clenching my teeth. “How long have you- no, I don't want to know that.”  I stood up, shrugging off her hand.  “You slandered me in the papers, you-  fuck, what does it matter.  I wasn't even a threat to you and your gross plan.  I would have helped, even, but you… fuck.”  My head hurt, a throbbing, pulsing pain that started at the base of my skull.  I couldn't dredge up anything else to say from the empty vacuum inside me.

The walk back to my room felt like walking to prison.

I pressed my hands to the pain in my chest, distantly surprised to find them not covered with blood.  It certainly felt like I'd been stabbed.  I lay my head down on my pillow and pulled the covers up over my head. Only then did I start to cry.

What had I done wrong?  What did I do to make her destroy me like this?

I had always admired her confidence. When Lorelai walked into a room, everyone took notice and she glowed under the attention.  She had limitless charm and wasn't afraid to use it to help her ambitions.  I envied her and looked up to her, bold and fearless as she was.

She and I fit together, I had thought.  If she talked too much about herself, well, I was happy to listen because I had little to say.  If she was a bit harsh in her feedback, at least it was always useful.  She laughed at my jokes and I knew how to get the “annoying facts” to stick in her brain. 

I sobbed, the pain swelling too huge.  There was no one left for me here.  Loki was out of my reach and I knew with a stab of icy certainty that I could not look him in the eye after this.

_Loki._ My heart, walking around outside my body.  His smile, his laugh. The quiet way he stroked his neck as he studied.  The twist of his lips when he came up with a prank. The light in his eyes when he dragged me on some ‘adventure’ that I would never have done on my own.  That damn look on his face when he asked, “Have I ever steered you wrong?”

His quick wit, his irreverence.  His cocky assurance hiding a vulnerability that I found irresistible.  The vulnerability he only showed late at night, or in unguarded moments in the gardens.

The sobs threatened to claw up my throat again.

I had to get out of bed.  I had to do something to clear my head.

I rolled to the side and sat up.  The wall across from my bed was covered in books- textbooks, history books, novels, poetry, anything I could get my hands on.

I took every book off my shelves and stacked them on the floor.  Opening them, I found every petal I'd ever hidden in their pages, each a memory of Loki, and put them carefully on my desk.

A party was represented by this white rose.  This red one was stolen in a dare.  Spell practice was near the dandelion.  The azalea was taken from the bush we studied by on a sunny day…

I took a transparent flower from the stack, remembering with a sad smile.

Then I slowly and deliberately crumbled it.

And the next. And the next.

The petals were fragile and papery between my fingers. It didn't take much, just a little pressure here, a tear there… I watched, my mind studiously blank, as the pile of multicolored dust grew bigger on the blotter.

By the time I had shredded the last one, I knew what I had to do.

*****

The room was walled on one side with a giant stained glass window, the pieces in paler shades than normal to let in light.  The other walls featured tapestries that I tried to look at as I waited, but my eyes kept wandering away to my hands.  I picked at the skin on my thumb with my nails, bouncing my knee up and down too.

I wasn't waiting as long as it felt before I was admitted. I nodded to the guards and paused just inside the room to curtsey.

“I'm sorry to have kept you waiting, Sigyn.  There always seems to be an emergency about Thor's wedding- this time it was seating arrangements.  Delegations from most of the realms will be there and you can imagine…”

“Of course you're busy, your majesty. Thank you so much for seeing me at all,” I said, bowing my head.

“Nonsense, I love talking to you.  Do you see my lily over there?  Are you here to talk about your spells? Loki's been telling me I will be delighted and I cannot wait.”  Frigga waved towards a seat across from her desk.

I perched on the edge of the chair, clutching the fabric of my skirt to keep my hands still.  My eyes bounced around the room, landing on the paintings, bookshelves, the large loom in the corner.

“I am very sorry for bothering you-  I know you are so busy-” I took a breath, trying to calm the churning in my stomach.  When I started again, I made an effort to slow down my words. “I am making good progress on my spells, I will have them finished, but…”

“You know, most students come to me or Eir when they are close to the end of this project.”  Frigga’s voice was soft and when I looked up, her face was exceedingly gentle.

I dropped my eyes to the large filigree gold egg on her desk, unable to handle the compassion.  Not when I was failing, drowning- I didn't deserve it.  The walls I had built around my stress, my longing, my loneliness, began to bend under the look in Frigga eyes.  Salt welled in my throat, but I couldn't stop now.

I forced the words out.  “I wondered- was wondering… if I could have permission to leave the city.”  I stared at the blue enamel on the egg, rubbing my palms over my thighs.  Guilt stabbed at me, aching in my chest.  “It is just… very distracting, with all the wedding preparations.  I'm having a hard time concentrating and I know if I just had some quiet, I could even finish early.”

Frigga hummed a sympathetic noise.  “It is a festive time.  And sometimes such festivities can… bring out the worst in people.”  Her tone implied a deeper understanding of what was distracting me and it nearly undid me.

“I- I just need to…”  I gathered the pieces of myself that were threatening to break off.  Frigga was the Queen.  I could not- I _would_ _not_ cry in front of her, no matter how much she left me yearning for my own mother.

“If you think that is what will help you, then you may go where you wish.”

I half-nodded, half-bowed my head.  “Thank you, your majesty.  I will submit the spells by the deadline, I swear.”

“I know.  You always do stellar work, Sigyn.”

Tears made my vision swim, but I refused to let them fall.  I felt her support like pressure, weighing on me until I might shatter to bits in front of her.  It was hard to breathe.  “Th-thank you.” 

I stood and curtsied, relieved to have this done when Frigga spoke again, softly.

“Is there anything you'd like me to tell Loki?”

Hairline fractures spidered across my soul.  _Loki_.  The guilt stabbed deeper.  _This is the coward’s way out,_ it whispered, _to run away without even a word._  If I saw him, I would never leave.  And who knows what Lorelai would do then.  My heart was set to crumble as it was- the humiliation of her throwing up a fuss involving the royal family because she saw me as a threat was too much to face.

I took a deep breath, forcing my brittle walls back into shape around my soul.

“No.”


	2. Chapter 2

I cried the entire trip.  From the time I arrived back in my room to pack to the time I arrived at the small seaside cottage, I had tears running down my cheeks.  What people thought, I had no idea and I told myself it wasn't my problem.

I also told myself that I could wallow in my failures until tomorrow morning.  Then I would get to work, finish these spells, get my title, and find a court in some other realm.

The waves crashing on the sand were a soothing roar.  I rested my head on the window frame, staring out at the foamy wet sand. The water would be cold, but I thought I might go sit out in the surf anyway.  Cold, soaked, and alone in the face of an uncaring ocean fit my mood.

I wandered around, pulling dust covers off the furniture and lighting up the fireplaces with my seidr.  I had sold my parents’ house after they died, but I had kept this little place- just two bedrooms and a kitchen, really.  I trailed my hand along the sea green wall.  Happy memories of summers spent here echoed in my footsteps as I walked. 

Not enough to make breathing any easier around the weight crushing my chest.

I trudged back to my room.  My suitcase was in the middle of the bed where I'd thrown it when I arrived.  Sighing at the heft of it, I pulled it closer to the edge.  I had packed the essential books I would need- at least I hoped I had.

The space between my shoulder blades itched, turning into a shiver down my spine.  I turned to the side, gathering my seidr as I did.

“Why are you here?”

I gaped at the figure before me, speechless.  Seidr drifted away from my fingers in useless wisps.

“Why are you here?” Loki asked again, taking a slow step forward.  His voice was nearly a growl, his eyes dark as he looked out from under his helmet.  The curved golden horns looked even more menacing in the dim light of the room.

“Why are _you_ here?” I snapped back, ignoring the pounding of my heart.  He was dressed in his full formal regalia, snug forest green leather accented with gold cross pieces and small metal tiles.  He glided in that outfit in a sinuous way, his back straight and his shoulders back.  My mouth was dry, my body too warm.  He was gorgeous.  “This is _my_ house.”

“You are supposed to be on Asgard.”  He kept walking, forcing me backwards.

“I’m _supposed_ to be finishing these spells!”  I was shaking as my heels hit the wall. I wasn't afraid of him, despite the intimidating silhouette he made.  I was angry, and hurting, and exhausted beyond just physical needs.  Having him here, with no warning, no _reason,_ was like poison in my blood. “I just… I can't... not with all the shit on Asgard… Tell Thor I wish him all the best with Sif-”

“What?” Another step.  We were barely an arms length apart now.  “You're not coming to the wedding?  You must!”

My heart cracked, right down the center. The pain of it cascaded down my arms, dropped through my belly, closed my throat.  I dragged in a rasping breath that did nothing to fill my lungs.  “What does it matter?” I whispered, nearly voiceless.

“What does it matter!”

A laugh bubbled up in my chest as I realized that this whole conversation had been one of us parroting back the other's words.  As if we couldn't come up with our own. I swallowed down the urge, wanting instead to lash out, to hurt him and me both and leave any happy memories between us broken on the scuffed wood floor.

“Thor won't miss me.”  I shook my head. “No one will even notice I'm not there.  And I'm sure that whatever you have planned with Lorelai will have you be the center of attention and then you won't care-”

Loki paused and stared at me with piercing green eyes.  His eyebrows dipped lower, his mouth in a small frown.  “ _Oh_ ,” he said, edged with gravel and sardonic revelation.

I ground my teeth together, refusing to give in to the ache in my fingers to trace the gold on his armor.  I fisted my hands in my skirt, tilting my chin up.  “‘Oh’ what? ‘Oh, I don't want to watch you and her get drunk on admiration for your-’”

He took the last long step and, arms outstretched, pressed his palms to the wall on either side of my head. I could smell the rich, earthy leather and the smoky mint oil he used in his hair.  My stomach twisted and I didn't know if I wanted to smash my forehead into his nose or inhale him deeply.

“How is it possible you do not know?” he breathed and my heart hammered wildly as he stared into my eyes. “It has always been you.”

His arms moved down, sliding around my waist, and he pulled me to him.  My anger bled away, as if the wall at my back had been all that was supporting it, leaving me vulnerable in the open, flush against Loki’s body.

And then he kissed me.

I stood stunned. _It has always been you._ The soft heat of his mouth drew me in, the gentle touch coaxed me to accept him.  I did, slowly, cautiously, a smile forming under the pressure of his lips.  _It has always been you._ My shoulders relaxed, my hands released their death grip on my skirt, and my heart hammered in an entirely new way.

My palms skidded up his chest, catching on the gold decorations.  I slid my fingers into the high collar, rubbing the warm skin of his neck. My mouth opened under his, the feeling of his tongue sending goosebumps down my arms.  He pressed his body against mine, holding me to the wall.

I twisted my head, freeing my mouth. “If this is some kind of joke, I swear I will-”

He chuckled against my cheek, then moved to rumble in my ear, “You'll what, love? Run away again? Do you think I'd let you go?”

Every bone in my body melted as his words reverberated down my spine. I sagged, letting his arms bear my weight and welcomed him when he found my lips again. His tongue flickered against mine, each touch putting my hardened broken heart together again.

My eyes filled with inexplicable tears, my lungs hitching with not-quite sobs. He was here, _Loki_ was here, kissing me. He was warm and solid, his kisses were deep and possessive.  Everything I had yearned for was right here, happening now.  I was touching him, I was his-

I was his.

I was floating, ethereal and dreamlike, even as I was hyperaware of every physical sensation. His lips, soft and firm. His neck, hot and flushed. My skin tingling where we weren't touching. The delicious, slow-growing throb that made me want to squirm.

I could feel his seidr sliding along mine, the two powers pressing together like planes of glass. It raised the hairs on my arms, but it was a pleasing, satisfying sensation. I pushed a bit and he pushed back- I felt it everywhere and nowhere. I turned my attention back to the physical, wrapping my arms around Loki's shoulders. 

He pressed his thigh between my legs and I rolled against the hard muscle by instinct. The pressure against the wet ache made me whimper into his mouth as he growled encouragement.  His hands moved down to cup my ass, pulling me closer. Our magic continued to glide up and down each other, and it made a random _spark_ , making me jump and gasp.

Loki dropped his head to my shoulder with a groan, his helmet nearly knocking me off balance. “Sigyn…”

I had never heard a more beautiful sound. “Say that again…”

“Lovely Sigyn,” Loki said, pressing kisses to my neck. “Brave Sigyn. Smart Sigyn. My heart, Sigyn.”

Not entirely convinced this was real, I slapped his shoulder cover the way my knees were turning to jelly. “Then why didn't you _say_ something, you ass?”

“I thought you knew! Norns, how much would you have hated if anyone thought you got your sorcerer title because you were my girlfriend? I was waiting.” He pulled back to look me in the eyes. “I didn't think you'd be so stupid about it.”

“Stupid-!”

He stopped me with another kiss and I was happy to give in for one.  I scrabbled at his neck, trying to find a way under his helmet to his hair.

“Why are you wearing this, anyway?” I mumbled against his lips.

“I was at Thor's rehearsal when I found out you had left.”  He looked at me, a glint in his eye.  “And then I was here.”

I huffed, amused and terribly flattered. Of _course_ he had just up and disappeared at his brother's rehearsal, leaving everyone to wonder where he was.

To come here, to find me. To kiss me. To hold me.

I concentrated, brushing my hands along his helmet. It evaporated in a burnt orange glow behind my touch, until I could bury my fingers in his hair and tug.

“Oh, are we disappearing clothes now?”  He gathered the fabric of my skirt in his hands with a grin.

That made me pause. Every cell of my body was tuned to his touch. My seidr crackled against his. Nothing else seemed to exist but the two of us in this room. And if this turned out to be a dream or a prank, I was going to get as much out of it as I could. 

“ _Yes_ ,” I whispered. 

My suitcase made a solid thump when my magic pushed it off the bed.  Loki grabbed my waist and pulled me back with him until he sat down with a similar thump.  I trailed my hands over his shoulders, cape and breastplate dissipating into the air, leaving him in just his snug leather pants.  His skin shone in the candlelight, pale and smooth over lean, hard muscle. 

I swallowed, my seidr faltering as I took in his beauty.

Loki looked up at me, his eyes bright with hope.  Green danced along his fingers.  My breath hitched but I nodded anyway- that face, with its happy sweet smile, was all I had dreamed of.  My tunic dissolved under his touch, his seidr pouring in where mine had left me.  His eyes were still on mine, he hadn’t looked away even as his palms skimmed over my hips, leaving hums of seidr that warmed me in the cool air.

I nodded again and he dropped his gaze.  I could feel it, crawling over me, and a dark part of my mind threw up an image of him laughing, mocking.  I stiffened and shifted my weight to back away before I realized what I was doing.

“Where do you think are you going?” Loki murmured, wrapping his bare arms around my waist.  The contact was grounding, pulling me back to the moment.  “You…” The word was low, gravelly, the vowels savored as they left his mouth.  “You are all I have thought of for so long.”

He leaned into me, brushing his lips over my breasts, his hands skimming up and down my back. I know he could feel my trembling- not from fear, but from the overwhelming realization hitting me again that this was _real_. 

How could it be real, how could he truly be here-

But how could it not be real with the heat of his mouth sucking on my nipple as he pulled me down to the bed?

“Loki…”

He smiled at me, that sly, impish smile I loved, while he rolled me onto my side to face him.  “Have I ever steered you wrong?”

My stomach burst into butterflies.  I stroked my hand down his bare chest, down the dusting of hair below his navel.  His pants washed away in an orange wave and when they were gone, the wet tip of his cock touched my belly. 

“Well, there was that time with the skiff-” I said in a shaky voice.

Loki grumbled, nuzzling my nose.  “Look, you, if you're going to bring up every little problem…”  His palm was hot on my thigh as he pulled my leg over his hip. His thumb drew gentle circles on my skin. “Do you have any idea how many times I've dreamed of this?”

I closed my eyes, remembering long nights unable to fall asleep, stuck in fantasies about him. Fantasies that could now come true. “I…” My hands groped at his back, as if I could find the words I wanted written there. “Loki… me too,” was all I could manage.  “Please.”

He kissed me again, slow and deep. Our seidr thrummed, pressing together, as Loki's hand moved to stroke my inner thigh, and then…

I gasped at the feeling of his long fingers gently parting my slick folds. His touch on my aching flesh was perfect and I rocked into it. He spread the wetness up and onto my clit, making me buck in surprise at the sharp pleasure.  My breathing was ragged as he circled the hard bud, my leg curling around his waist to pull him closer.

The movement rubbed his cock against my stomach and he groaned. I reached between us, wrapping my hand around him, solid and hot in my grip. His hiss as I stroked him up and down made up my mind. 

“Please…” I wiggled until I could line him up with my entrance and I looked into his eyes. “But… slow?”

“Slow,” he said with a nod, his face showing his longing clear as day.

He pressed forward and I whimpered, hitching towards him.  It was an unfamiliar feeling, this friction and stretch.

It was thrilling.

Loki pulled back and rocked a little farther, each time making me want more of him, making me want to be full of him.  I moaned, the feel of him inside me was strange and perfect, enough and not enough, complete but still missing something. 

When he stopped, I began to roll my hips, carefully exploring this new sensation.  Loki’s breath was uneven, his eyes closed. He seemed content to let me set the pace, his hand resting on my ass, the other tangled in my hair.  He twitched occasionally and let out ragged sighs as I moved.

“You’re mine,” he whispered.  “Say it.”

I kissed his shoulder, trailing my lips along his clavicle until I found the column of his throat.  “Or are you mine?”  I touched my teeth to his neck, something I’d longed to do for years. His skin tasted of salt and still a hint leather.

Loki growled, rolling me under him, my leg still caught around his waist.  I gasped, my eyes wide, at the change of pressure inside me, hitting new points of bright pleasure.

“Mine,” he said, pushing his hips firmly against mine. “Since the first time I met you.”

Stars danced across my vision, my body bowing off the bed to grind my clit into his pubic bone.  I opened my mouth to retort but all that came out was a whine as he drew back and slid in with amazing precision.  His seidr flowed into mine and mine into his, blending and boosting but distinct.

“Oh, Sigyn…”

I hadn’t realized my eyes were closed until I opened them at Loki’s reverent tone.  He was staring at me in wonder, and I knew my face must look the same.  He was glowing, bright green but tinged with dark orange.  Limned with rippling seidr, he was even more beautiful than before.

“Loki-”

I watched the colors shift and flow around him as we moved together.  My hands were illuminated with licks of bronze when I ran them over his shoulders. They crackled and buzzed against his skin and his did the same as he moved one to stroke my breast.  It resonated deep inside me, even deeper than the spot he grazed on each stroke that made my legs shake. I could feel his seidr calling to mine, entwining, pulling us closer together in an act more intimate than just our bodies.

An exquisite pressure was building in my body, vibrating through my muscles, catching in my throat.  I clutched at Loki, grinding myself into his thrusts to take him deeper.  He grunted his approval in my ear, driving in faster.

“That’s it, darling… let me hear you, tell me what you need…”

“Fuck, Loki, just don’t stop-” I was whimpering, moaning, and I couldn’t keep still even if I tried.  I was at the top of some enormous hill and with a strong thrust of his hips and a snap of seidr, I was tumbling down the other side.  I arched under him, my head thrown back.  Orange and green stars were all I could see as everything stopped- my breath, my heart, my thoughts.

Loki was watching me when I opened my eyes. My heart pounded mercilessly as I gasped in a breath, every muscle trembling with the aftershocks. He started to move again, stimulation just on the edge of being too much, harder than before, more erratic.

“Fuck, love, fuck,” he groaned, yanking me into his thrusts until he suddenly went boneless, collapsing to the mattress beside me. 

He clumsily wrapped his arms around me, nuzzling into my neck.  I could feel his heart thumping just as hard as mine.

I traced aimless, lazy patterns on his forearm, his breath hot on my shoulder.  Everything was heavy and slow. Our seidr melted away, taking the deep resonance between us with it, leaving us two normal lovers cuddling in the cool room.

“I can not believe you did not know,” Loki said into my skin, raising goosebumps.

I shrugged, jostling his head on my shoulder. “How was I supposed to know? Why would I think you wanted me at all?”

“Why wouldn't you?” Loki propped himself up, looking at me with confusion.

“You’re… you’re a prince of the realm, and I’m,” I sighed, gesturing vaguely, “just me.”  I squirmed, very aware of my naked body next to his.

There was that smile again.  “You _are_ you. And you are everything.”  He kissed my nose, my cheeks, moving lower.  “You should be telling yourself that you are too good for me. A strong, whip-smart, no-nonsense sorcerer with an incredible career in front of her- tied down by Asgard’s weaselly, second-place prince-”

“Weaselly?” I giggled, tangling my fingers in his silky hair as he nibbled on my collarbone.

His eyes met mine and my breath froze in my lungs.  He was quiet and still, with a heavy seriousness in his gaze.  He had hidden his insecurities well, earlier.  But they were there, and now it was my turn.

“I love you, Loki.”  I stroked his cheeks, smiling through the sudden sting of tears.  “Norns, I love you so much.”

Later- _much_ later- we pulled ourselves out of bed and back into our clothes.  Loki had to return to Asgard and I promised that I would follow as soon as I finished my work.  With my heart cleansed of all the doubt and stress I had been struggling under, I was confident I would have them finished before Thor’s wedding.

“You will be there,” Loki said again, tying the laces at the neck of his tunic. “I have been planning this _forever_ and you must see it.”

I grimaced and muttered, “Yeah, planning it with Lorelai.”  I turned away, busying myself with unpacking my suitcase into the small dresser.

“Oh ho, there’s that jealousy again.  Mm, I like that.”

I whirled on him.  “Jealousy!  You think I’m _jealous_ of that… that... ?” Unable to find a word that meant ‘back-stabbing false friend who I still love dearly,’  I took a deep breath.  “You really are an ass.”

“But I’m here.” He wrapped me in his arms, rubbing his cheek on my hair.  “With you.  She put you through so much shit. Fandral showed me a few gossip pieces.  Even I was impressed by the contortions she went through to smear you. But now… you've won.”

“I wasn't trying to win.”

“Maybe not, but you are the one with the prize.” I could hear the grin in his voice, the anticipation of mischief. “And Lorelai might find all her quills slithering away as snakes _._ ”

He picked me up and tumbled us into the bed, kissing me sweetly.  His fingers found my ribs and I squirmed, which only made him tickle harder. I tried to roll away but he followed, never stopping his assault.

“Say you’ll be at the wedding!”

“Yes, yes!” I giggled, breathless. “I swear on Yggdrasil rightside up and upside down that I will be at Thor’s wedding. On time, even.”

“Good.”  The tickling stopped immediately and Loki bent down to pick up a book that had fallen to the floor, as if nothing had happened.

“Now you’re stalling,” I said, smiling, as I watched him flip through it.  “You have to go.”

“Did you know there’s a primrose in here?” He held up a flat, translucent pink flower, pinched gently between his thumb and forefinger.  He examined it for a moment, then looked at me with a grin.  “Is this the one I gave you in the gardens?”

“You’re _stalling_ ,” I reminded him, pressing my hands to my heated cheeks.  I was touched by the way he put the overlooked primrose carefully back in the book.

With a chagrined, reluctant look, Loki gave me one last, long kiss, one hand buried in my hair, the other caressing over my ass.  He bent me back, devouring me and I melted into his grip. 

And then he was gone in a swirl of green seidr, leaving me wanting. Of course.

As proud as I was to have my final spells completed and neatly printed in a fresh journal for grading, I dreaded going back to the palace. Loki was mine and I was his, the knowledge making my steps lighter than they had been in weeks.  But the pain of all the gossip still lingered and the people there knew things about me that I never wanted them to.

But I did go back, my head held high despite the whispers behind my back. I handed my spellbook directly to Eir, waving off her congratulations with a comment about waiting until she'd read them.

I dug my dress out of my closet and did my hair, threading a fresh primrose from the garden behind my ear. I couldn’t stop smiling, despite the weight of the past.

The great hall was completely covered in flowers- climbing up the columns, dripping from the arches, petals strewn on the floor. I sat with Fandral and Hogun during the ceremony, careful to avoid crossing paths with Lorelai.  I didn’t hear a word of Odin’s speech, my eyes glued to Loki on the dias in his regal finery.  His helmet glowed like the sun, his cape flowing around him when he moved.  He stole glances at me with a smile.

And when the official part was over and the party had begun, I hung back on the balcony until Loki found me, long strides eating the distance between us.

“Funnily enough, Lorelai doesn’t want to do our spell with me,” he grinned, not at all bothered.  “Come on, I need your help.”

“Wait! Loki! It took you two weeks to work out your timing- I can’t just step in-”

Loki swept me up in his arms, holding me close. “Of course you can.  It only took weeks because, shhh, she isn’t that great a sorcerer.  You, though, are incredible.  We are great together.”  He pressed a quick kiss to my lips and then dragged me up to the high table, shrugging off my protests.

He slipped me a piece of paper. I read over the spell with trepidation, but I thought I could do it. It was the timing that would be tricky, but Loki was right. We worked great together.

“Ready?” he whispered.

“No,” I said with an awkward laugh.

“Good. Let's go.”

Fireworks exploded over the gardens, in all the colors of the universe.  Loki and I tossed the spell back and forth between us, each burst of color taking a massive amount of energy that only one of us could do at a time while the other recovered.  But they never faltered, the sky always filled with brilliant sparkles.  I let mine fade, throwing the spell back to Loki.  He waved his hand in a gesture I hadn’t seen before and I looked up at the lights he had cast.

“Sigyn,” it read in the sky, for everyone to see.  “Marry me.”

I felt as if all the oxygen had disappeared from the world in that moment.  Everything was frozen, waiting in delicate, silent balance.  I threw myself into Loki’s arms, kissing him, stealing the air from his lungs to fill mine.

“Yes, yes, yes!”


End file.
